Stoned and Pining
by WerdsFaylMee
Summary: Yamato takes Sora out to make her feel better after a show. One-sided Mira and Taiato content.


A/N: I don't own Digimon blah blah blah, I haven't watched the show in years, I don't even know when Frontier is on or anything, so yeah, whatever. This story has shoujo-ai and shonen-ai up the wazoo. If you don't like it, meh. For the rest of you, enjoy.  
  
Yamato told me it would be easy at first. He smiled and took my hand, brought me into the smoky room. Kouji, Akira, and Yukito, the other members of his band, were already in there with their girlfriends...or maybe just girls they met after the show and brought to the house with them. They were all making out and smoking something that looked like a cigarette, but I could tell plainly that it wasn't. Kouji was holding it when we walked in. It sat gently between the index and middle fingers of his right hand, which lay across the arm of the chair he rested in. A blonde girl was sitting on his lap, studying his tonsils with her tongue so to speak. Swiftly, Yamato snatched the joint from his hand, but Kouji didn't seem to care either way. As he lifted his hand to touch the back of the girl's head, the sleeve of his t-shirt fell beyond his elbow and I caught a glimpse of a black, festering wound on his arm.  
  
"Yamato," I said, looking at him. My skin felt tight and dry under my eyes from the tears I had shed earlier. "What's your drug of choice?"  
  
"I should be asking you the same question," he said warmly, but with no smile. "But since you're a beginner, I'll choose for you."  
  
He placed the joint between my lips and I inhaled deeply. My head began to swim and I choked as I felt the toxins burn away at my poor esophagus. He pulled it away as I coughed onto his shirt, then covered my mouth.  
  
"It gets easier," he promised me. "Try again."  
  
I did. Again, again, and again. And Yamato kept his promise-it did get easier. Soon my head was full of colors and I was lying on the floor with him, staring up at the ceiling. Yukito, Kouji, and Akira had gone upstairs to a bedroom with the three girls. When they had passed, I looked up and felt so sorry for them. They looked so frail, so eager to please. So easy and willing.  
  
"Have you ever done that?" I asked. My voice pulsed and faded in and out of my ears.  
  
"Done what?" he asked me. "Brought home a girl after a show?"  
  
"Yeah," I said. "Have you fucked them and thrown them away?"  
  
"No. You know I would never."  
  
"I know Akira would never either, but that wasn't a tent he was hiding in his pants when he strolled past."  
  
"You know," he started, and sat up irritably. "I brought you here to chill you out. You were hysterical at the venue."  
  
"I can't chill out," I told him. "My head hurts and I'm dizzy. I want to go home. I want Mimi."  
  
He sighed with exasperation. Ever since we had broken up I felt like all I could ever be to him anymore was a burden. We had gone out only because we weren't sure what we wanted, and then one night over dinner I told him I was in love with Mimi, that I had always been in love with Mimi, and that nothing he said could change it. I said I should have never been in the relationship in the first place and I was so so sorry and could he please forgive me? Please? He looked at his plate and smiled a little and said he was in love with Taichi, that he had always been in love with Taichi, and that nothing I said could change it. He said he should have never been in the relationship in the first place either and he was so so sorry and could I please forgive him? Please?  
  
I forgave him. He forgave me. He got what he wanted a month later when we found out that Taichi was a straight as a serrated knife and they spent hours upon hours in the janitor's closet backstage after Yamato's band finished rehearsing and Kouji, Akira, and Yukito had gone home. I know because Yamato told me.   
  
I was not so lucky. Mimi dated boy after boy after boy and as her best friend it was my duty and responsibility to hear about every hook up and break up, each one breaking my heart a little more because either she was happy without me and that hurt or someone had hurt her and that hurt me as well. It was a complete lose-lose situation and it had all come crashing down on my head that night. Yamato had kissed Taichi discreetly and I just hurled myself onto him, my best friend, my ex-boyfriend, and sobbed hysterically into his chest. Taichi just stared, dumbfounded. Yamato pulled me outside and we began to walk to some random house where he said there was a party going on.  
  
Yamato and I dated once before, when we were fourteen. Back then I thought we were in love. I thought we were serious. I thought I wanted to get married to him. I didn't pay attention to the fact that I felt nothing when he kissed me, that I didn't feel loved when he wrapped his arms around me, I only felt safe. That was nice, but a relationship that "serious" should not be nice. It should be more. And I think he felt the same way.  
  
Yamato got his Prince Charming. I have yet to get my Sleeping Beauty.  
  
He reached over and pulled me into a sitting position. Immediately I felt nauseous and told him so. He pointed to the garbage can in the corner.  
  
"If you need to, that's where you go," he told me. "But I doubt you will. You don't usually get high your first time, but I guess maybe they put something in the pot or something like that and it's making you feel sick. You'll be okay in a few hours."  
  
"You're lucky, Yamato," I told him. "Taichi is so good for you. He worships everything you do. He comes to all of your shows, meets you after all of your practices. He loves you so much. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you and when he talks to you. Even when you're not there and he's talking about you. It's always there."  
  
He was silent for a while. Part of me regretted saying that because I knew I had made him feel guilty for being so happy.   
  
"I'm just venting," I said softly. "I'm sorry. Don't feel badly that things worked out for you and not me. I...I think it's time I got over her anyway. Nothing is going to come out of it."  
  
"I guess not," Yamato admitted. "But...I mean...we're sixteen. Something could eventually. I mean, maybe she's just confused, like we were. She's dating around so much, maybe she gets scared every time she thinks she doesn't feel anything with a guy, so she breaks up with him and finds another one, hoping she'll fall in love."  
  
"She says she's in love with every guy she hooks up with."  
  
"She's Mimi. That's what's expected of her. You two would make a weird couple."  
  
"You and Taichi make a weird couple."  
  
"I know. But we've been through a lot. We're best friends. And so are you and Mimi. It's hard, I know."  
  
"I wish I could tell her."  
  
"Why can't you?"  
  
"There's no point in putting her in that position." The nausea had become a little overwhelming so I laid back down.   
  
"What sort of position would she be put in when you tell her how you feel?"  
  
"An awkward one. She wouldn't be able to talk to me about guys anymore because she would be worried she'd be upsetting me. Every time I do something nice for her, she'll think it's because I like her. She's seeing this new guy now, I can't even remember his name, and she'll feel conflicted. She won't know if she should stay with him because she wants to or break up with him because she doesn't want to make me feel bad. I would never want to put her in that position."  
  
"It sounds a little like you're screwed," he said, and looked pensive for a moment. "Maybe that's what we should do. Get you screwed. Sex might clear your head. You know, Yukito thinks you're hot."  
  
"I've tried it already," I said miserably.   
  
"What?" he cried. "And you never told me? With who?"  
  
"Koushiro," I confessed. "He was over one night to help me with a science project and we finished way before we thought we would and my mom was out and he told me he liked me and I opened my mouth to say I was sorry and that I didn't return the feelings and he just kissed me right there in the kitchen, and we just...didn't stop. Right there. In the kitchen."  
  
"I'll never look at your white linoleum floor the same again."  
  
"It's not funny. I avoided him for a few days before he stopped me in the hallway and demanded to know what was going on. So I told him that I didn't know what got into me and that I should have just stopped him before he even made a move or anything. I shouldn't have led him on like that. I think he's still angry with me. It only happened a few months ago. I felt sick and dirty afterwards. When it was going on...I couldn't feel anything but emptiness. I didn't even come."  
  
Yamato pulled me to my feet. "Let's go somewhere. Anywhere. I want to make you feel better. Let's go to the park."  
  
"There's no point," I said. "I'll just go home and mope around for a while. There is nothing that will make this a fairy tale ending, Yamato. This is what it is. My story with Mimi is over. Who am I kidding? It never began in the first place." 


End file.
